Say Goodnight to Liberty

            First they came for the smokers, and I said nothing.  Then they came for the trans-fat, and again I said nothing.  They came for the 16oz sodas, and I sat silent. Finally they came for the popcorn and the milk, and I said enough!

            It seems that the Mayor of New York wants to become “Nanny in Chief.”   Is his goal to make the “Big Apple” the “Small Apple?”  If I choose to move to NYC, why can’t I be a French fry eating, soda slurping, chain smoking, fat slob?  Perhaps the Mayor would like to check my underwear and see if I’ve changed it? Of course that is the TSA’s job, but hell, given the current state of our federal, state, and local governments. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind joining together to limit our freedoms even further.

            The belief that the government cares for us is slowly smothering our individual freedoms.  We need to be safe in our cars, so seatbelt laws are passed.  Shortly after, seat belt check points appear, and we willingly submit. No one supports drunk driving, so in an effort to show our opposition to drunk drivers, we allow drunk driving task forces to set up and stop cars.  Do either of these stops passed 4^th Amendment scrutiny? No, but the courts allow them.  Why? Obviously our safety outweighs our liberties.

            It has been rumored that to make air travel more palatable, stripper poles and roofies will be installed and distributed to make the invasive searches more fun.  These subtle changes may also increase the membership in the Mile High Club.  Of course, as sex can be dangerous there may be limitations on its use in the future.  I mean sexually transmitted diseases can cause great harm to a person, and be a danger to others, as can an unwanted pregnancies or an abortion.  

            Perhaps if the government could regulate sexual activity, maybe limiting it to once a week, with a condom, on a Sunday between the hours of 9-10pm in a sterile room provided by a state approved agency.  This would allow for a sex check points where individuals could be identified (Your papers please), screened for diseases and condoms.  The beauty of this system would be that the government could make sure that only government approved couples and sex acts could be performed.  This system could be regulated to help control the population.  For example there could be sex rooms and procreation rooms, with stiff fines if a couple uses the room for an improper purpose, say using the procreation room for just pleasurable sex, not creating a life.

            Once the government let us know what we can eat and drink; what kind of light bulbs we can use, how much water can be in our toilets, where we can live, or how we can travel; who we can marry, with who, and how, we can have sex, we will be totally free.

Surveillance

            There are so many surveillance cameras today that I’ve applied for my SAG card.  That way I can charge companies, local, state and federal government agencies a fee each time I make an appearance on screen or tape. For example, let’s say the TSA does a full body scan.  If they film it the cost would be x dollars; if they just use a still photo, y dollars. I should get a spot on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and be able to retire in two years.  My agent is working on residual rights.  People in the business tell me that is where the real money is.

             Which reminds me, I’m not allowed to fly for a while.  The last time a TSA agent searched me I came, and then gave him a $20 tip.  However, the local police arrested him for prostitution and me for soliciting.  Obliviously this created a big scene. In the confusion, a panic started and flights were delayed, re-routed and the airport was closed for two hours.

            Once things calmed down the handcuffs were removed and the black sack pulled off my head, I realized I was in Camp Gitmo.   Unfortunately, I was only there a short time.  To protect myself I told everyone my name was Porky Pig.  This created a stir among many of the detainees.  I started a small riot during a game of tag after I touched one of the Muslim participants.  They were offended to be touched by pork, as I was unclean.  Lucky for me that no one wanted to touch me or things might have gotten worse.  I was escorted out the gate by a couple of Marines.

            Fortunately, I was able to catch a ride back to the states with a Cuban family on a 57 Chevy.  I don’t think I’m an illegal, but let’s just keep that between us, just in case.